In an instant you have returned me to my original self;

the self who ventured inside out of curiosity

And an eagerness to explore and learn

You’ve helped me to know myself better

Before it all got so exhausting

And the process got to be too much

We’ve come a long way

You and I

Walking along our paths in concentric circles

Bumping against each other once in awhile

Giggling occasionally with delight

Then backing away from each other slowly

at the remembrance of pain

it is the pain that killed us

far more common and pervasive

than the few hours of connectivity

I am back where I started

Re-learning myself

This time without you

I’m pretty sure your reason for existing it to break my heart.

How else would I get any writing done?

From the pain the words are formed, effortlessly.

You always chastised me for not writing more.

Perhaps hurting me

Is the only way you know how to support me

And the only way I know how to receive it.

I have nowhere else to put this pain

My ability to withstand the loss of you

Has been severely dimishined

By overextension

The time before the time before the last time

I let you go all over again

I’m empty inside and yet there is still no room

To hide these feelings

All of the old hiding spots

Have been discovered, revealed

They spill over, tangible

Once again

My first radio interview!

I'm so excited! I was recently interviewed for a web radio series called Create Your Reality by Lynn Crocker. The topic of discussion was moving past your fear in the decision making process.

 Check it out here.

 Has fear ever affected your ability to make a decision? Discuss below.

When the Heart Breaks

My mind keeps re-cycling thoughts of you

Attempting to re-organize and re-arrange the information

 into something I can comprehend, categorize, classify

something that might make more sense

I come up with nothing

The pain in my heart is unbearable

 and I struggle unsuccessfully

to keep myself from breaking apart

As my illusion of control disappears

My soul splits open and I realize

I never had you

Not really

You were merely the carrier of an important message

Sent from the spirit realm

To remind me that it’s OK

 to want what I want

And need what I need

Though I never really had you with any permanence

I miss you still

As if you were lost

It is Possible to Fly

I had a dream about balloons today.

The balloons looked like hot air balloons but much smaller.

They could fit only one person and were attached to a rope that was held by people on the ground.

In the dream, I recognized these people but can’t remember them in my awakened state.

 I watched as someone tried without luck to get their balloon to stay up in the air.

They struggled greatly, calling out conficting messages to the people on the ground.

After awhile they gave up, declaring that it was impossible to fly.

I wouldn’t accept that.

 When it was my turn, I instructed the people on the ground to move in the direction I wanted to go until I had enough momentum to move by myself.

I took heed of the things that had caused the other person trouble and made sure to avoid them.

 I steadied myself on the ground before even attempting to lift myself.

And then, when I was ready, I rose gently off the ground.

 I didn’t go very high but I was air born, nonetheless.

 I remember feeling very victorious and wondering if it was possible to go even higher.

Then I woke up.

From this dream I take several lessons.

Everyone must live their own lives, but it’s wise to ask for help from others.

Be clear and specific when asking for help.

Trust the people who support you.

Avoid common mistakes.

Make your own way.

Don’t move until you’re ready.

And most importantly,

It is possible to fly.

...

I desperately try to recall the peace
I felt back then
To reassure myself that I am able to exist in a state other than this
Yet I prevent myself from going any deeper
Stop myself just below the surface
With fear, anxiety and uncertainty
And I can’t let go
…can’t let myself go
But I remember that I was once free
And give myself hope