Daughter of Depression

This post was inspired by a dream I had this morning. Although it was somewhat morbid, I think it is to be interpreted symbolically instead of literally...for therein lies the message.

We had been to some event, a party I think. Things got out of hand, people started fighting, and you wanted to leave. As we began walking away, I realized you were badly hurt. I tried my best to hold you up but the further we got, the harder it was for me to support you. I could feel you giving up and I refused to let you. I remember screaming at you to “work with me,” to help me keep you moving forward. Shortly afterwords, you fell and couldn't get back up. I felt like I had failed you because I wasn't able to keep you from falling. As you died, I realized that all you needed was for me to be there for you. So I held your hand and you passed peacefully....

According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), Depressive disorders affect 18.8 million Americans or 9.5% of the 18 and older population. Although people generally think of Depression as an individual issue, in reality, Depression is an illness that affects a whole family. Although one person is officially diagnosed; each member of the family can experience symptoms such as shame, embarrassment, confusion, and anger. You may feel yourself wanting desperately to "fix" them. You may believe that if you can be funny enough, happy enough, whatever enough; you can help them "snap out of" the depressed mood. When your best attempts prove fruitless, you feel guilty, blame yourself, or lash out at the victim. As you may have already realized, none of these responses are healthy for either person involved. Instead of giving up you should try to...


Educate yourself: Learning all you can about the illness is the best way to deal with the many emotions experienced by your family member and you. Although the expression of the disease is different in everyone; there are several universal "truths." Depression is nobody's fault. Depression is not merely a "bad mood." Depression can "re-emerge" if not treated properly.

Let yourself off the hook: You are not responsible for the Depression. It is not your responsibility to cure the illness. But you can....

Be supportive: Therapy, antidepressants, or a mixture of the two have been found to have some success in treating Depression. However, the overwhelming majority of research literature on the subject suggests that a supportive family is vital to the management of Depressive symptoms. Sometimes all they need is for you to hold their hand.

Educate yourself, release yourself from responsibility, and be supportive.

Gentrification

Black bodies hide in the crevices of an urban apartment complex
Invisible to those who refuse to see them
Elaborate in their concealment
they have created complex booby traps
to protect themselves from their captors
until one day
they are discovered
unwilling to let them maintain even the most inhumane, most desolate existence
their captors forcibly expel them
offering them as human sacrifice to their god of capitalism
As I witness, the very core of my being compels me to act
I run about attempting to warn them
“They have come!”
...”and they will soon return.”
Even in my haste, I am methodical in my approach.
To each and every house I go.
Some don't answer or are not at home, some are asleep
others however, refuse to believe
My heart breaks
Out of many, there are few who have answered the plea
I reach outward,
seeking assistance from others who are as disgusted, outraged, and terrified as I am
but there is silence
It is clear that outside intervention is not something to be counted on
The people look to me for guidance and the enormity of the task falls heavy
I feel painfully inadequate, paralyzed
But the fear mixed with courage and strength emanating from their eyes energizes me
“Where do we go from here?” they ask.
With a sigh that begins in the very depths of my soul I respond,
“Onward.....as we always have.”
Satisfied with this answer, we being our journey.

Intimacy...I long for it....

Can't wait for this album to drop....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5UveeASpmo

Necessary Pain

Under the waxing red moon I reveal and release
issues left unacknowledged, unresolved
feelings of fear, unworthiness, loneliness, and impatience
spill over my cheeks purified by the tears that carry them
spirit has opened these wounds that they might be healed
permanently, completely
no longer able to manage the side effects with home remedies
the disease must be diagnosed and treated at its core
growth and healing follow spiritual pain
and so I am strong