I'm mildly irritated as I check my phone and realize it's another text message from the guy I halfheartedly gave my number to only a few days ago. Although we've only gone on one date, he's proceeded to text or call me every few hours. Despite the fact that I have shown less and less interest in him and have become almost completely unresponsive, he persists. His latest text to ask me whether I can put my “book down for a minute” pisses me off. Even without the benefit of non-verbals, I'm hoping my annoyance is reflected in my response, “For what?” I text back. It takes him awhile to get back to me but when he does, it's clear he got the message literally and figuratively. “I mean I'm trying to get to know you and how else do I do that? If that's not what you want, let me know so I can keep it moving.”
As I read this text, a new wave of guilt, irritation and the overwhelming feeling of being smothered emerge in me. My first instinct is to ignore him and hope that he eventually stops contacting me so that I don't have to deal with this. I let out a sigh as I realize that this passive aggressive approach would only mean that this issue will manifest itself in some other form later.
I struggle to clearly articulate what I'm feeling in a way that would help me to understand it myself.
In his text he states that he simply wants to get to know me, but his impatience seems to indicate otherwise. It is these unspoken expectations that provoke a deep feeling of entrapment. It makes me feel as if I'm being pushed towards some imaginary finish line; a goal set without my permission or input. I no longer feel as if I'm unique but rather a means to an end. I respond by saying,
“I don't think we have to talk everyday to get to know each other; that's just too much for me. We just met a couple of days ago. What's the rush?
Regardless of what happens next, the irony of this current situation is not lost on me. Only yesterday I wrote about my own pattern of trying to force male relationships into predefined roles. Yet here I am completely appalled and offput by someone's attempts to do it to me. I can't help but to chuckle. Life can be such a clever teacher!